You shop with your toddler in a grocery store. Your toddler spies a treat that you don’t plan to buy. Suddenly you’re in the middle of a howling tantrum.

What is the best answer? Why do these meltdowns happen? Can you prevent them? Consider these tantrum tips.

For young children, a tantrum shows feelings of frustration or anger. Maybe they have trouble finishing a task. Maybe they don’t have the words to express their feelings. Their frustration can trigger an outburst that results in a tantrum.

Children who are tired, hungry or sick may have a lower threshold for frustration. Times of change can also be difficult. Tantrums are more likely in these situations.

Young children do not plan to bother or bother their parents. For toddlers, tantrums are a way of expressing how they feel. For older children, tantrums can be learned behavior. If you reward tantrums with something your child wants, the tantrums are likely to continue. This is also true if you allow your child to avoid things by throwing a tantrum.

There may be no surefire way to prevent tantrums. But there is much you can do to encourage good behavior, even in the smallest of children.

For example:

• Be consistent. It is important to be consistent in how you respond to your child’s behavior. Try to respond in the same way when your child shouts or cries. It can help to have a mantra: “I’ll answer you when you stop yelling.”

  Don’t try to change the rules. If you don’t buy treats at the store, keep it that way every time.

  Follow a daily routine of sleeping and eating. This helps to ensure that your child gets enough sleep and food for the child’s age. Children who do not get enough rest and quiet time can become short-tempered.

• Plan ahead. Run errands when your child is not likely to be hungry or tired. If you expect to wait in line, pack a small toy or snack to occupy your child.
• Let your child make choices. Avoid saying no to everything. Try to give children a sense of control by letting them make choices. “Do you want to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt?” “Do you want to eat strawberries or bananas?” “Do you want to read a book or build a tower with your blocks?”
• Use positively worded directions. Focus on what your child should do instead of what the child should not do. Try to explain the reason behind a request. For example: “Please use your inner voice while we’re inside so everyone can have fun together.”
• Praise good behavior. Give extra attention when your child behaves well and praise your child’s efforts. Give your child a hug for sharing or following directions. Tell your child how proud you are of positive efforts and choices.
• Avoid situations that can trigger tantrums. Do not give your child toys that are too advanced for the child’s age. If your child begs for toys or treats when you shop, avoid tempting places or do these errands without your child. If your toddler is acting up when you’re out to eat, choose places that offer quick service.

Typically, the best way to respond to a tantrum is to stay calm. If you react with loud, angry outbursts, your child may copy your behavior. Yelling at a child to calm down is likely to make things worse.

Instead, it can help to redirect children to something else that might interest them. Offering a different book, moving to a new location, or making a funny face can help. Try turning tasks into a game: “Let’s see who can pick up the most toys.”

Sometimes children will hit or kick during a tantrum. They may try to run out into the street. If this behavior is dangerous, calmly hold your child until your child calms down. If the child is upset but safe, sit with the child and show a calm demeanor until the tantrum subsides.

When your child calms down, calmly explain your rules.

If a tantrum goes from bad to worse, remove your child from the setting. It’s time to enforce a timeout:

• Select a timeout location. Put your child in a boring place, such as in a chair in the living room or on the floor in the hallway. Wait for your child to calm down. Consider allowing a one-minute time-out for each year of your child’s age.
• Stick to it. If your child starts wandering before the time-out is over, return him or her to the designated time-out location. Do not respond to anything your child says while he or she is in time-out.
• Know when to end the timeout. When your child has calmed down, talk briefly about the reason for the time-out. Talk about why the behavior was not appropriate. Then return to your usual activities.

But timeouts shouldn’t be the only tactic to stop tantrums. Timeouts should be part of a broader approach that includes positive feedback and clear consequences for unexpected behavior.

As your child’s self-control improves, tantrums should become less common. Most children start having fewer tantrums by age 3 1/2. If tantrums get worse after age 4, talk to your child’s healthcare provider.

Sometimes children hurt themselves or others during a tantrum. They can hold their breath during fits of rage until they pass out. A health care professional may be able to help you better understand issues that are causing this behavior.

19 August 2025

Original article: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/tantrum/art-20047845