By: Kenneth Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed, FAAP

As parents, we want to protect our children from all discomfort. At the same time, we know that it is important to prepare them to deal with challenges. It builds theirs
resilience and provides the best lifelong protection.

Preparation for unpredictable challenges

Once parents know exactly what the problem is, they can create an action plan to help their child learn about and deal with it. But in unpredictable or uncertain times, it’s harder for parents to know the best way to prepare their child.

Sometimes we go through uncertain times as a nation. Sometimes insecurity is felt most fully in your community or family. The only fully predictable thing in life is that we will all experience curveballs in our lives. Humans have long experienced periods of uncertainty, and we can draw on our collective wisdom to get through unpredictable times.

Strengthening relationships and shaping lessons

Wisdom embedded in our DNA tells us that working to strengthen our relationships in uncertain times is key to building family and children’s resilience. We
can Always provide reassurance by saying what so many of our grandparents told us: “This too shall pass and you will get through this with me by your side.”

The best way to protect our children is to shape the experiences we gain during difficult times. We do this best when we consciously manage our own emotions and experiences and show them how to handle uncertainty.

Below are some of the emotions many of us experience in uncertain times. These are paired with the chance they give us to model and teach lifelong resilience.

“I feel like I’m failing.” Learning self-forgiveness

Perfection is never an option, and getting even closer to your goals is more difficult in unpredictable times. Know that if you forgive yourself and focus on the good in yourself through self-compassion, your child or youth will learn to be a little kinder to themselves. It’s lifetime protection.

“My kids are frustrated and so am I.” Learning to have empathy

One of the most respectful things we can do is truly understand another person’s point of view. The best way for children to gain this perspective is to take advantage of it firsthand. You build their empathy for others by working to understand their thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

“I don’t know how to deal with how I feel.” Process and release emotions

A time of uncertainty with heightened emotions is the time to show that emotions should not be ignored. Our children must learn from us that:

“I want to pull my hair out.” To create a safe harbor in our home

You can love your child and still want to tear your hair out sometimes. We all have bad days when the stress load is high. We cannot control the outside world, but we create sanctuary in our homes. With peace in our home, we can better handle the outside world.

“I need a time out.” To be a comforting presence to others

In moments when the future is unclear and our minds start to race, the presence of a soothing voice makes all the difference.

“I don’t know how to react.” Being clear and honest with yourself and others

Say what you know. Admit what you don’t do.

“My mind feels out of control.” Maintaining physical health strengthens emotional health

Strong bodies support our minds to best navigate the circumstances we face. Say out loud, “I have to exercise. If I don’t take care of my body, I can’t focus either.”

“I keep thinking about the worst-case scenario.” To stay present and live in reality

Uncertainty can make our minds race to the worst possible outcome. Catch these thoughts and say, “I’m imagining the worst. Let me focus on what’s really happening.”

Young people may assume the worst because they have not yet had the experience of knowing that problems can come and go. Let them know, “You’ll get through this with me by your side.”

“I feel helpless.” Finding what you can do

Few things create more discomfort than feeling like there is too much to do. . . or nothing you can do at all. And few things restore comfort more than tackling what you can. Model the importance of one of the most reassuring words: “yet.”

“I will NEVER ______!” can be turned into “I haven’t ______ yet.” Don’t accept failure or disappointment as permanent, but instead see setbacks as opportunities to try
yet again.

“I can’t do everything.” Learning to let go

Stay healthy, strong and compassionate. Watch out for those who are vulnerable. Let family members know they are precious. Do whatever it takes to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Everything else can always wait.

“I’m so disappointed.” Finding joy, providing service and maintaining purpose

Help your children see the difference they can make in the lives of others and how good it feels to be of service. This can increase their own resilience because they will learn the joy of giving. More importantly, they will learn that there is no pity in receiving.

“I had so many plans that didn’t work out.” When you can’t change things, adapt

Focus on what you
can make a reality and what you
can do.

“I can’t go through this alone.” Relationships strengthen us.

When times get tough, people unite. We hold those we love closer and offer those who are vulnerable the extra support they deserve.

“Will things ever be the same?” Hope

Resilience is about more than bouncing back. It’s about adapting. Growing. To become stronger. Being ready for the next challenge, but also being prepared to enjoy all the good life has to offer.

“Our community needs to come together.” Common values

Sometimes in challenging times some people use divisive language. This is deeply disturbing for children and young people. We must strengthen our common values ​​and common humanity.

Remember

Uncertainty is scary, but knowing we’re not alone in figuring it out is comforting. Each individual alone is vulnerable, but together we are stronger than the combination of each of our individual strengths. People together can alternate between drawing strength from others and being a source of strength. We overcome challenges when we come together to remind each other that we belong together.

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